All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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