stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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