i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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