Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just cropdusted the office
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
