We named our party play list daddy issues
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
