Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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