Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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