i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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