I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
