Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
