***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
