We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
