Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
