did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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