I saw his package. It spoke to me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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