Four minutes until I can fart!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
