don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
