If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
