i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So much Jack, so little girl.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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