he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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