I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
