Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have feelings that need drinking.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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