saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
