adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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