i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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