Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
