so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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