I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
