I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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