Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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