I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
