is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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