I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
