Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
