I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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