I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
