Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
