glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
