Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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