So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
