You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
