I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
