I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
