I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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