Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
