90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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