On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
