put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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