awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
