my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Randomize
